The Disengaged Mentality... Poems from Matt

TABLE OF CONTENTS
~ Falling Through - Page 1
~ Indestructible Billy - Page 1
~ The Devil is Beckoning - Page 1
~ Over It - Page 1
~ The Disengaged Mentality - Page 1
~ The Lord of the Card - Page 2


Ryan's poems made me want to write some of my own. ^_^

Well, here's the first one.



Falling Through

I recall a time
A better time
Back when I knew everything
And the world was small

There was but one
One minor complication
One solitary single thing
That set a knot in my life

You
Just a girl
A forlorn observer
Of my heart's every will

Whether I wanted to
Or if I did not
I was utterly unable
To force you from my soul

Try as I might
And try I did
Yours was
A complication that I couldn't resist

My simple life
the one I loved
It's as if you drove a knife into my heart
And introduced my ghost to imperfect bliss

You were by no means
Perfect
Which makes it all the more strange
You held my affection with such finality

I remember when first we held hands
Our first kiss
Such simple things
From such an extraordinary person

But regardless
They filled me with delight
An unparalleled indescribable delight
That made my heart explode

My simple existence
Was by that time
Long gone
And I no longer wanted it back

My entire being
Was filled
With magenta dreams and
An unexplainable feeling of happiness

Such was my content
That I never
Ever
Wanted it to end

But the beings above
Or whatever greater powers exist
Saw fit
To throw another twist in the road

I remember
the smell
A scent of pine needles and vanilla
It was how our home always smelled

I was happy
As usual
I called your name
But received no answer

I called again
I waited
Listened
Silence pervaded

Panic set in
This was not normal
By this time you should have been
Home

Home in my arms
My no longer simple arms
In fear I ran
Up the stairs and to our bedroom

And there you were
And in my mind
There you will
Always be

In our bed you lay
with a knife through your heart
A smile on your face
And a message by your side

I never read it
Even as the ambulance was taking you away
I went to the fireplace
And burned it

Our home together
Too many memories
Exist
Within it's blue and sunny walls

And so the girl
Who complicated my life
And took me from all I ever knew
Left me alone

Even now
It scares me
The wonderful times we shared
Are starting to disappear

Falling through
The cracks of time and memory
I won't let them go
Tonight I join her forever in harmony and sleep

Good...
It is very well written and it conveys an immense amount of emotion Trigger. I approve of your style... and would like to know the backstory behind this poem.

I thank you for the compliment, Ryan. ^_^

This story was inspired by a girlfriend, my first somewhat intimate girlfirend, that I had in ninth grade. It symbolizes the pain I felt when I moved away and we couldn't be together anymore. The events of the poem are of course exaggerated for effect, but the theme of "lost simplicity" and sadness over a lost love remains as powerful in my eyes.

There are a few other personal references even after the story becomes fictional, for instance the letter that was burned without ever being read symbolized the fact that me and the girl in question kept in contact with each other even after the move. However one day about a month afterwards, she informed me she had found another boyfriend. She sent me another message after that, but I never read it.

Also, the smell of the house I specified was really how her house smelled. Actually the only purely made up part of the story were the suicides at the end, and the fact that the two characters in the poem eventually either got married or simply lived together.

Thanks for the explanation.

Most of my poems are about feeling lost, no matter how safe a place you are in. That or the love that I lost some time ago.

I've got some new stuff I'll post later...

Alrighty, here's poem number two. Sorry it took so long.



Indestructible Billy

Billy Stafford was his name
And to be quite honest, he was lame

He was the biggest, dullest kind of nerd
And he pissed us off with nary a word

So from grades pre-K to twelve
We made his life worth shit ourselves

We never meant to to hurt for real
But still we bullied with a zeal

We took his lunch and beat him down
But never did he cast a frown

He confused us all, which made it worse
So our teasings became more adverse

So by the time we entered junior high
Our mission was to make him die

"Kill yourself, you fucking freak."
Was the least we said to him every week

More than once and in a flash
We'd throw him face first in the trash

But still we never broke his soul
Even though our hearts were black as coal

Never did he say an unkind word
Although he was just a small, caged bird

By the time we reached our freshman year
We were calling him a fag and queer

Sophomore year came strolling by
We'd beat him up when we got high

Junior year flew past as well
And still his life resembled hell

Last of all, year of the Senior
But alas, we just got meaner

And he was better than us all
His heart was strong, and ours were small

"Indestructible Billy" as he came to be called
By those our actions always appalled

Before we knew it, our time was late
Only a few weeks left til we graduate

So we hatched a scheme to smash his will
And break his heart, just for a thrill

We forged a note by Amy Jule
Who was the cutest girl in school

We said she'd meet him at the park
Once the sun went down and it was dark

He took the bait, hook, line, and lure
He hadn't had a friend before

So me, some friends, and Eric Stetson,
We went to teach ole Billy a lesson

We beat him bad, not just for play
And his soul expired that very day

You couldn't tell from his forgiving grin
That something inside had seen it's end

We left him there bruised, and full of regret
And something happened I'll never forget

He went home later that night
And blew his brains out

The caged bird escaped from it's prison

Well from reading the second I hope you are not speaking of yourself and a plan to commit suicide as that would make me unhappy D:.

However they are both very good.

*considers making poems*

The Devil is Beckoning

Submission!
Inhibition!
Procreation!
Devastation!

Where is here?
And,
Who are you?

Understanding!
Everlasting!
Segregating!
Devastating!

I am just the
Shadow of
That little voice that makes you
Want
To cast aside your standard predispositions,
And
Face the black
With fire in your
Eyes.

Mitigated!
Self inflated!
Altercated!
Devastated!

And you,
My dear,
Are the vessel for which
My will shall be defined,
And
You cannot
subdue me.
You cannot
Defeat me.

I will not be denied.

Coagulate!
Humiliate!
Annihilate!
And Devastate!

So do not be
Afraid.
Afraid…
It only lasts
Until Infinity is smashed against
The adamantine walls of Armageddon.

I will not be denied.

So embrace me with open arms,
And
I promise
I will make
It worth
Your while.

So welcome me in,
Or…
I will simply take what is mine.

I will not be denied.
I will not be denied.

There can be no heaven without hell,
And
There can be no redemption without infraction.

Can you hear the whispers?
The Devil is beckoning.

The first one sounds like William Shatner is telling the poem...

The narrator's life is no longer pieced together, so neither are his sentences. At least, that's what I thought.

Well Trigger, I must say. The second one is by far the most awesome poem I've ever read in my life. I'm actually considering plagiarizing it and copyrighting it under my own name.

Of course, I'm not mean like that.

P.S. All Poems Copyright Russell Gates, 2009

Thanks! It's nice to know that kids being bullied and committing suicide get such positive reviews. ^_^;;;

Over It

Do you remember?
Do you remember how you broke my heart?
Do you remember the pain you put me through?
The gentle dagger that pierced me...
The day you left.

I'm over it.

Well I can remember.
Yes I can remember the sleepless nights.
I remember the anger and self pity I felt,
And the invisible noose that choked the life out of me...
And the hole in my heart that took your place.

I'm over it.

Yes I'm over it.
I'm done wishing for what cannot be.
I'm through grabbing blindly at an intangible specter.
I'm tired of gasping for that breath that will never come...
And I refuse to chase the horizon.

I'm over it.

But no matter what I do,
You won't leave my mind.
I've been displaced.
And I am no longer master of myself...
This is not how things should be.

I'm over it.

I try to tell myself that there is no turning back the clock.
What is in the past is now dead and destroyed.
The idea of you is what fuels the worst of my darkest thoughts,
And I am afraid of what is becoming of me...
Despair enters at every turn.

And suddenly I realize...

I'm not over it.

And I begin to wonder if I will ever be.

The Disengaged Mentality

I met a homeless man the other day.
I could have helped, but turned away.

There was a burning house just down the street.
I didn't care, nor miss a beat.

I saw a hungry puppy by the road.
I felt no change in manner or mode.

There was a homicide story on the news.
I just kicked back and drank my booze.

A year ago, a girl got raped.
I didn't care if she escaped.

Tomorrow night, my dad could die.
And I won't even ask god how or why.

In a month, my mom might go.
And I won't miss her, this I know.

To be quite honest, this life sucks.
And I don't even give two fucks.

Judgment day could come around,
And I would neither smile nor frown.

There is no such thing as wrong or right.
Why do we care? Why do we fight?

This time next week we could be dead.
All it takes is one to the head.

Why do we all get so attached?
The truth of death cannot be matched.

There's no reason to ever rise.
Fulfillment is a pack of lies.

For all the the things that you might learn,
You still wind up in a box, or urn.

This existence makes no sense to me.
Is there a point I cannot see?

preachers, rapists, and all the rest,
Cannot pass time's final test.

The validation of your soul,
Is purely, utterly, fictional.

We're born and then we live awhile.
And the luckiest ones all die senile.

And you realize, when your heart grows null,
That life's just one long funeral.

Very well written... I must say this is an excellent piece of work.

Thank you. ^_^

The Lord of the Card

The Lord of the Card is a star of a man
~ As far as they go, he’s the best of the clan
He lives in the biggest, best home of them all
~ Compared to his manse, all the others are small

The Lord of the Card is the cream of the crop
~ Without him around, all known life would stop
Or at least it would for his neighbors at least
~ For daily, they share of his plentiful feast

The Lord of the Card has the best view at nights
~ From his porch front, he’s privy to vast shows of lights
The brightest of hues all burst and explode
~ To cover the sky that spans his abode

The Lord of the Card wears a tin crown on his curls
~ His position provides him with infinite girls
By night time, his parties are of epic propound
~ The ladies, they come from all over around

But during one of his orgies, he outlived his reign
~ One of the girls stuck a knife in his brain

And thus, the Lord of the Cardboard was dead
~ When the cops came, the homeless all fled

Stay in school

That was hilarious.

Synyster Gates wrote:

That was hilarious.

indeed.

How do you manage comments on your poems? It seems none care for my own.. x.x

Question: So is the neighbors who shared his feast the rats that nibbled at his feet?

His "feast" mostly consisted of whatever he found in the dumpsters behind the Wendy's. His neighbors were the other hobos.