"Vagia and the Sprout", a Hylian take on "The Hobbit", by J.R.R. Tolkien

Chapter 1: The Unexpected Guests

In a small cave on the side of a hill lived a Deku Sprout. Not a dark, overly damp cave full of spiders, bugs, and other unsightly things. It was a Sprout cave, and that means comfort.

The cave had an entrance facing diagonally downward into the hill, positioned so that the maximum amount of sunlight could enter. The entrance led through a small passageway and opened into a single spacious stone-lined room, and because this particular Sprout was fond of guests, this room was well furnished with fine chairs, a granite-crafted cabinet full of refreshments, and most importantly for a Deku hole, a single large flower by a natural hot-spring in which the Sprout slumbered and wet his roots. The Hole, as the other Deku Sprouts for miles around called it, was an example of comfort and class to beat all, as the majority of the world's Sprouts had settled for a simple flower out in the open wood.

The Sprout was a well-off creature, and he was named Akey. The Akeys had lived in the neighborhood around the Hole since a time long forgotten, and Sprouts had long held them in high regard, not only because they were wealthy, but also because they never went on quests or did anything... unexpected. This is a story of how such a Sprout came to do such quests, and perform such unexpected acts. Though he lost his fellow's respect, he gained... You'll find out if he gained anything later.

The mother of this particular Sprout... what is a Sprout? I suppose they need some sort of description, so that the folk of our time don't confuse them with some vegetable, being that they are rather rare these days. A Sprout, Deku Sprout, or Deku Scrub -as they are sometimes called- is a wood-based sentient creature, reaching in height to between two feet tall to six feet tall, with two arms and two feet which they call roots, a rather large head with two red glowing eyes and a large, round mouth. Some have grass or leaves growing from their heads like hair, and others have a rotatable flower on their head which they use to hover a few feet above the ground for a time. They speak to one another through a series of high-pitched squeaks, which are understandable only by them, the Gorons, and a few sharp-witted Hylians. There's very little magic about the Sprouts, other than the regular kind that lets them disappear quietly and quickly when they hear stupid folk like us blundering about, making noises like Dodongos in love, which they hear from a mile off. They drink water through their roots, and propogate by spitting Deku Nuts from their mouths, which makes a new Sprout after a month of being nurtured with water and sunlight. Now you know enough to go on with.

As I was saying before my train of thought was derailed, the mother of this Sprout -of Doko Akey, that is- was the lady Zella Ado, a great-great-granddaughter of the Old Ado, Chief of the Terminian Sprouts -Termina being the land on the northern side of the Lost Woods- It was often said (by other clans) that one of the Old Ado's ancestors must have been bewitched by the terrible Mask of Majora, which was, of course, completely absurd, but it was true that there was something not entirely... Sprouty about them. Occaisionally, they would discreetly go on adventures and quests, while the rest of the clan hushed the matter up; but it was a matter of fact that the Ados were less respectable than the Akeys, though they rivalled them in wealth. Going on, the lady Zella Ado stopped going on adventures after she became Mrs. Dojo Akey. Dojo, being Doko's father, had dug the most luxurious scrub-hole that his money (and some of hers) could buy, and there settled until the end of their days. It was probable that, though Doko had looked and acted like a younger duplicate of his comfortable father, he had inherited some oddness from the Ado side that only waited for the right oppertunity to leap out. It never got that oppertunity, until Doko had grown to an adult, being about 25 years old, and he had settled seemingly immovably into the wonderful Hole his father had built, which I had just described.

By some curious act of fate, on a bright sunny day, long ago, in the wonderful stillness of the world, when the Deku Sprouts were numerous throughout the lands, and Doko was standing in his spring, soaking his roots pleasantly in the warm spring of his Hole -Wincou came by. Wincou! If you had heard a fraction of what I've heard of him -which is a rather small knowledge pool, compared to everything he's ever done- you would be prepared for any sort of amazing tale or legend or story. Wherever Wilcou goes, Adventure is sure to fall in stride. He hadn't been in that stretch of wood since Doko was barely out of his Deku Nut, and the Sprouts had nearly forgotten what he looked like. To Doko, he didn't seem too exciting standing just outside his hole: he was just an old man with a long beard, bushy white eyebrows, a staff, and a traveling cloak.

"Good Day!" chimed Doko, not in his own language of squeaks, but in the language of the Hylians, the trade-language of Hyrule, which he understood perfectly and spoke with a squeaky accent.
"What do you mean by 'Good Day'? are you wishing that I might have one, or that I ought to have one whether I like it or not?" Wincou replied with a friendly grandfatherly tone, his bushy brow turning under the brim of his pointed hat.
"Both!" Doko squeaked, walking out of his spring to greet his new friend. "It's such a fine day to soak one's roots and bathe in the sunlight! Won't you come in? If you've a thirst about you, then I have a cabinet of liquor to quench it. There's no hurry, we have the whole day before us!" Doko offered, motioning for Wincou to come inside.
"How generous!" Wincou replied, "But I have no time for drinking this morning. There's an adventure I'm arranging, and it's very difficult to find anyone to join." Wincou added.
"One should think so!" Doko chuckled, "People in this area have little need for adventures or quests. Inconvenient, uncomfortable things! They'll make you late for your evening watering!" Doko spouted, still totally naive about Wincou's purpose in coming to His home, of all the homes in the land, and talking about adventures and quests and walking and such undesirable things. Doko took a small potted plant and brought it outside to give it more light. Wincou stood by the entrance, leaning on his staff, gazing at the three-foot tall wooden being. Doko realized that Wincou was, indeed asking him to go on his adventure. He made a small squeaking sound as he thought of himself going on an... Adventure! Of all things askable, this was the most absurd! he suddenly felt very uncomfortable under the old man's gaze, and wanted the conversation to end.
"Good Day! I don't want any adventures, thank you for the offer! You can try over the hill or under the bridge or in THAT general direction" he said hurriedly, pointing off to the south, over a rolling plain with no Sprout homes to speak of; not so much as a flower as far as the eye could see. Doko didn't care where the absurd man went, as long as he took his adventures with him.
"What a wonderful assortment of uses for the words 'good day'!" Wincou said, jeering. "You mean you want to have me off, and it won't be a good day 'till I'm gone?" Wincou asked.
"Oh, not at all, not at all!" Doko replied. "I don't think I heard your name?"
"Indeed you have, but you may not remember that I belong to it. I know your name too, Mr. Doko Akey. My name is Wincou! To think that I'd be 'good day''d to as though I were some old peddler... and by the son of Dojo Akey, for that matter!" Wincou prattled, with Doko staring agog at the long-forgotten wizard.
"Wincou? Not the wandering wizard Wincou who gave my uncle Deju an umbrella that opens on command? The Wincou who told me those stories of dragons, giants, peehats, and dodongos and the luck of the five-leafed clover when I was barely out of the nut!? The Wincou that who made fireworks that produced the spitting image of daisies and roses onto the night sky!?" Doko recounted, still staring agog at this wonder of a Hylian. "Not the Wincou who made young lads and ladies go off into the blue for mad, crazy, insane adventures that I surely have absolutely no use for whatsoever? You used to upset things so badly, once upon a time, that I still hear stories about you... I beg your pardon, I didn't know you were still at it." Doko added, both glad to see his old friend and apprehensive of the quest he would no doubt resist, but nonetheless be taken along with like a seed on a river.
"Where else should I be?" Wincou said. "At any rate, It's nice to know you remember something about me, and that you hold my fireworks in kind regard. so much so that I'll give you what you asked for."
"I haven't asked for anything!" Doko said hurriedly, confounded.
"You have. You asked my pardon, and I will give it to you. I'll send you on my little adventure. You'll find it to be profitable, if nothing else." Wincou said, rubbing his right forefinger and thumb together and pretending that he was bargaining with the Sprout.
"Za? I don't want any adventures today, good day, come have tea at 2:00 PM tomorrow goodbye!" Doko had said hurriedly, grabbing his potted plant and returning inside as quickly as possible without seeming rude.
Gotcha., Wincou thought to himself, and carved a strange sign into the side of the entrance. He turned on his heel and walked on, whistling.
It was only after Wincou had left that Doko had realized his mistake. While he was hurriedly bidding farewell to Wincou, acting solely on instinct, he had actually Invited Wincou To Tea.
"What in the name of Farore was I thinking, asking him to tea!" he thought aloud to his plant, a small breed of deku baba, which worked wonders to keep the flys away, and was a good conversation partner when it wasn't trying to bite your finger, despite the fact that it never talked. He found the nicest bit of sunlight in the hole and sunbathed.

The next day, Doko had almost completely forgotten about the business of Wincou and the unpleasant business of adventure. He was too flustered to remember. He was sound asleep in his flower when he heard a tremendous rumbling coming from the door, then he remembered the tea invitation. Cursing his own lack of wits, he got up and went to the door to invite the wizard in, only when he exited the hole, he didn't see any wizards, only a rather large rock. Curious, he investigated, and the rock stood up and said hello, which startled the poor sprout. This wasn't a wizard or a rock: it was a massive, 7 foot tall, 4 foot wide Goron, one of the rock-people from Death Mountain.
"G- G-Goodday!" Doko began, still a bit shaken.
The Goron grunted in acknowledgement, and to Doko's eternal dismay, began to push himself into the Sprout's home, and realized he couldn't fit through the opening. The tiny Sprout began to pull the Goron's waving leg in a desperate attempt to free the Goron and save his home. It was then that another Goron rolled into veiw, and with a vigourous tug, pulled the other Goron free. Doko, with a plethora of questions as to whether he should ask the million questions already in his mind, looked simply dumbstruck when a third Goron approached, Then a fourth, all giving pleasant greetings to the pitiful creature. For half an hour afterward, the Gorons sat in front of the hole, talking about mines and gold and dodongos and something called "Vagia" ,while Doko fetched pints of beer for his oversized guests, and while the neighbors jabbered away about Poor Doko and the Four Giants, and after an hour the entire hillside knew some skewed variant of the story. After an hour and a half, Wincou arrived.
"Ah, I see they've arrived." Wincou said, half smiling. Doko came up, angry and bewildered, wondering what in Subrosia was going on -in fact, he forgot his manners and asked Wincou "what in subrosia is going on?".
"Allow me to introduce Kahum, Kihum, Kohum, and Brad." Wincou said, avoiding the question.
"At your service" the Gorons said in unison.
"Now we are all here." Wincou said, joining the circle of Gorons on the ground in front of the hole. "What a splendid gathering!" he chimed.
"Mr. Akey, fetch some scones and ale, if you please!" called Kihum.
"Mr. Akey, bring a few cakes if you have any more!" Kohum requested, as Doko was scuttling to fulfill the first order.
"Mr. Akey, I'd like a refill of Beer!" Kahum called through the hole to the rather busy Sprout.
"'Eh Doko, git meh some Coffee!" Brad requested through his thick accent.
"What's Coffee?" Doko replied, totally busy, betwaddled and confused.

As the time passed, The Gorons drank all there was to drink and ate all there was to eat, all the while Doko wondered what kind of cursed adventure had found its way to his doorstep.
"I suppose you're all staying?" Doko said, hoping that they'd say no and leave, but he knew that wasn't the case. they would say yes, and stay, and they would talk to him about adventures and mines and gold and so many other things he did not want to hear.
"Yes" replied Kahum, who was the oldest of the four, and their leader. "We can't get on with business till later."
The Gorons spent the next hour singing, dancing, and laughing like old friends in the failing sunlight. -in truth, they were all brothers except Brad, whom they met on the way- Doko watered his plant, watered his own roots, and sat in the entrance to his home, watching the sunset and wondering if this was all just some horrible dream. After the sun set, the Gorons brought out drums -one for each goron, and each one a different size- and as they played their tunes and sang their songs from Goronia and places far from the hill Doko had spent his life, Doko felt the love of many a splendid thing made with the hands of the Smithies of Death Mountain, and something Ado'ish awoke within him: he wanted to explore the world, to leave this hill and see all there was to see. Doko got his father's old trumpet from his granite chest and played along with the Goron melody, the fusion of Goron and Deku Sprout; of Drum and Trumpet, fused in the perfection of musical harmony. Doko wanted to explore all the caves, see all the waterfalls, and wear a sword instead of a walking-stick. He looked up and saw the many stars, glimmering like the crystals in the Goron Mines. Then he thought of a dragon who would rend and burn his hill to dust, and he shuddered at the thought. The temptation was ended. Doko got up trembling, and decided to go hide in his cabinet until Wincou and the Gorons had gone away. Then he realized that all their eyes were on him.
"Where are you off to, Mr. Akey?" Kohum had asked, guessing the Sprout's thoughts.
"To fetch an oil-lamp. Would you like light?" Doko replied haltingly, having trouble finding an excuse.
"We like the dark. Darkness for dark matters, eh?" Brad said.
"Come have a seat, Mr. Akey." Kahum offered, offering a space between himself and Wincou. Doko reluctantly accepted, the other Gorons holding their own private conversation in the Goron tongue.
"Hush, allow Kahum to speak." Wincou said, and the Gorons did thus.

"Wincou, Gorons, and Mr. Akey" Karum began, "We are now gathered at the home of our friend and fellow conspirator, this wonderful and audacious Sprout, May his garden never wilt. Praises also to his wine and ale!" The complements were lost on the Sprout, who didn't like the sound of being called "Audacious", and worse, a "Fellow Conspirator." Doko said nothing, so Kahum went on. "on the morn of tomorrow, we begin our long and dangerous journey, the purpose of which is already known to us. Many, if not all of us, will perish on the way-" At the sound of the word "Perish", the poor Doko fainted, and the guests looked at him with dismay.
"He's an excitable fellow, prone to odd fits, but he's the best. As fierce as a Dinalfos in a pinch." Wincou said.

If you have ever seen a Dinalfos in a pinch, you would know that this hyperbole had never been applied to any Sprout before, even to Doko's great- great uncle Grognak, who's seed-spitting power was so great that he once shot down a Guay from a fifth of a mile off, winning a 25 Rupee bet and inventing the sport of Skeet-shooting simultaneously.

While Grognak's slightly gentler relative was recovering, the others sat about and talked about the quest, the Gorons first expressing disbelief that the Sprout was a n excellent burglar, and certainly not as fierce as a Dinalfos (maybe as fierce as a small Tektite). Wincou eventually convinced them otherwise, and when morning came, the unconsious sprout was swept onto the adventure on the back of the Goron Brad, in the center of the party.

(End Chapter 1)